Week 1 Power Rankings

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1. Anton’s Personal Space
I mean what is there to say? A gritty, hard fought battle against the Jew Park Warriors. Maybe becker should convert to be a true Psi U faqqot and live in the words of duggins and “fuck all of these dudes who have a three inch penis, that’s not nearly enough to satisfy me”. I think that’s more than enough and anyone who has a problem with that can hit up Breen who does free penis inspections to “practice for architecture” which I did once and now I have to go to therapy.
2. Rooftop Beerz
Is it possible for someone to think of a worse name? Is he trying to fit in with us? Does he know that we’ve known him for three years? Ose saw one clip of Jaylen Hurts getting his masters from Oklahoma and thought “damn he can’t be THAT black right?” He had a good week tho. I finished this before moving onto the next team but holy shit Ose your bar battle post is so retardedly g@y that it will convince colleen, and that homeless woman outside Target who says “spare change” like it's her job, and not a single soul more. I regret spending money on that btw
3. Justin Tucker Supremacy
I don’t understand how someone can draft a kicker in the 5th and a defense in the 6th and still win more than one game this season. I’ll admit I was wrong. But that doesn’t save him from the fact that personal space is still a thing, no matter how much he may deny it. He’s already sent 7 sexy DM’s to Tyreek that he swears will get him to score 60 a game. Most of those were composed of propaganda about how Russia is in the right…. I think we all know that the real troopers in this is the Polack’s (shoutout Ose and Bik, keep fighting)
4. Epstein Island Boys aka Scrumptious Joey Doodoo
I hate to be going back to the name of teams but cmon, what the fuck are we doing. Bro has Deshaun as his QB, how do we know Scumptious wasn’t a frequent visitor of Epstein’s sex ring. For all we know, this dude buys and sells women just to finally get a smile on his face. Had a good win over the grip reapers tho…
5. Junion Park Warriors
Who does he think he is trying to take on the Anton’s Personal Space? Anyways Becker barely put up 100 points this week and I am pissing myself laughing. He thought by trade raping duggins and scrumptious that it would be a guaranteed w in week 1. I guess he hasn’t heard of Anton’s personal space. Not even my team, there's just no space to breathe when Anton is hammered. Nice try buddy, have fun in the cage.
6. Hock and Ball Torture
Alec had a close battle with Rooftop Beerz but couldn’t prevail. I feel for you man. But my close battle ended in a W, hit the gym retard and maybe you’ll end up like Breen after a successful night out, nose deep in a bag that he swears isn’t fent. But a better week from Saquon and these power rankings would be totally different. Oh well, have fun at the Inn.
7. Chicago Grip Reapers
10 minutes before the draft and I swear Breen was asking me the difference between offense and defense. He must’ve locked himself in his room and saw the one headline that said “Justin Fields is a top five QB” and thought that he was the next James Naismith. Too bad that’s basketball buddy, better luck next week. Breen, honestly you had a solid draft from what you were talking to me about, but your name just isn’t scrumptious which is most likely why you lost. I don’t blame you either.
8. Brady’s Green Sweatshirt
Well here we are. Last and definitely least is Duggins. I always thought that the skills to scope out a dude in a crowd who’s g@y could pick out some good fantasy players. I guess the g@y skills don't transfer to football. Shocker. Duggin’s claims he “wasn’t in the right head space when he made that trade” but I think that’s just hippie bullshit for “what’s the difference between Amari Cooper and Trevor Lawrence.” I think he’s looking forward to this punishment and he’s tanking. No one tell him that he’s not getting pegged. Watch out for him if he figures this out…

This is a satirical website. Don't take it Seriously. It's a joke.